Things I learned from my parents..

*wash my face in the morning
*brush my teeth after i eat
*take a bath everyday
*be good to my other playmates
*learn the give and take relationship
*don't talk to strangers
*be good in school
*it's good to have excellent grades
*always obey my teachers
*treat my friends as my own siblings
*always obey my parents because the know best
*enjoy life but know my limitations
*be responsible in my actions
*never step on other's ego or pride
*be a loving and caring sister to my younger brother
*be wise enough in making decisions
*be a good citizen of the country
*don't do any illegal things
*always obey the rules and regulations of my company
*don't marry unless I'm stable
*don't marry a guy that will hurt me physically, emotionally and mentally
*be sure to select a guy that can give me and my kids a good life
*give my kids the best things in life
*give the things my parents failed to give me
*don't be a martyr wife
*be a loving and caring wife and mother
*love God above all things

wala lang..

paano ko nga ba sisimulan ang blog na to??

actually, nabibisita ko lang tong account ko either malungkot or happy ako..

dahil dito ko nasasabi lahat ng gusto kong sabihin..walang ibang makakbasa, walang ibang mkakaalam..yun nga lang may 2 makulit na ngfollow sakin..:)

anyway, ngayon malungkot siguro ako..these past few weeks or months..madaming pangyayaring hindi ko pinlano at madami akong nalalaman na hindi ko gusto..

well, ganun nga siguro ang buhay may ups and downs..

minsan naiisip ko na bawat lungkot at sama ng loob na nararamdaman ko, paikli ng paikli ang buhay ko..

siguro ngayon, 10years na nababawas sakin!:))

totoo ang sinasabi nila na the only thing that is constant in this world is change..

ako..nagbago nga siguro ako..pero kahit sino naman nagbabago..kahit ang pinakamabait na tao nagbabago..ako pa kaya eh hindi naman ako mabait, lalong hindi naman ako angel..:)

minsan gusto kong umiyak dahil sa inis, galit at sama ng loob sa mga taong nakapaligid sakin..pero iniisip ko na hindi ako iiyak hanggat kaya ko pang tiisin..

gaya nung muntik na kong hindi matanggap sa trabaho..iyong oras na yon parang masisira na ang buhay ko kaya wala akong nagawa kundi umiyak na lang..

pinipili ko lang yung mga bagay na pwede kong sabihin sa iba..malihim akong tao ehh..tsaka gusto ko na hindi lahat ng tungkol sakin nalalaman ng mga tao..

hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko..naguguluhan ako sa uunahin ko..hindi ko din alam kung anu na ba ang tama at mali..kung anu ba ang mkkapagpasaya sa ibang tao at yung hindi..

gusto ko na nga ikulong ang sarili ko at magself realization baka mas magustuhan ako ng mga tao..okaya sa kumbento na lang ako..magmadre na lang para walang sakit ng ulo!:)

siguro ngayon, ang gagawin ko na lang, mgfocus sa trabaho ko..pumasok sa oras, tapos mgovertime hanggang sa kaya ko para pagdating sa bahay..kakain na lang ng hapunan, mgwwash up, magaayos ng gamit para kinabukasan tapos matutulog na..wala ng time isipin ang mga bagay na mkkpagpalungkot sakin..

kaya nga alam ko na ngayon ang nararamdaman ng iba pag malungkot sila..masakit sa ulo at lalong masakit sa puso…

True Love

Dear True Love,

                I’m with you since I was a child; you saw how I became a better person as the years went by. You are my hope, courage and strength in this complicated life. I improved myself and did everything so that someday I can be perfect just for you. You are really my true love and it will never change. I can only be happy if you will finally welcome me in your world. I know a lot of people will get in the way so that I will fail, but I’m ready to take the risks and conquer all the challenges no matter how hard they are just to be with you.

              

              Now I’m writing this because I want you to know that for the meantime, I’ll be away from you. It will cause me so much pain and it will surely break my heart.

                

                But I promise, no matter how long it will take...

              

                I will come back to you at the right time, just wait for me please..

              

                My dream..

                                                                                                                                 Will forever love you,

                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                                 Emilie

empty room

I wonder why I am in this empty room..
Feeling I am doomed..


I see nothing, I can't see anything..
It's like black ate everything..


I am afraid I'll be locked in here forever..
Am I going to allow it? never!


Darkness embraced me..
Oh I have to find the key..


Right now I have to stop talking..
Instead, I have to start walking..


I need to find a way out..
Suddenly I want to shout..


I have to stay calm..
So I put together my Palms..


I closed my eyes..
and it felt so nice..


Abruptly, I hear someone calling my name..
Looks like a girl wants to play a game..


In the darkness, she wants me to find her..
This challenge, I have to bear..


I follow the sound of her voice..
Thank God there's no other noise..


I can hear her voice louder and louder..
I totally became a hunter..


I stopped, I know she's already behind me..
and it's scaring the hell out of me..


I can't hear a sound..
So I turned around..


I am shocked..
Am I being mocked?..


I see my own reflection..
I'm not ready for this revelation..


She's smiling and holding the key..
and she said something to me..


"The key is within you..
To get yourself out of this doom"


In a blink of an eye..
She vanished, I wondered why..


and it hit me!
I know now what can set me free..


Now I know why I am here in this empty room..
A room full of doom..


I held my chest..
and it's in mess..


My heart stopped beating..
So I have to start healing..


I saw that someone I left behind, waiting for me..
and I want that person to see..


I remember now our beautiful story..
So that person need not to worry..


Now I am going back..
Where I left that person crying and sad..


Once I get home..
I will never ever again leave you alone..

a short blog about a four letter word..

In twenty years of living, I learned that Love is..

A four letter word that has different kinds..

I want to thank my family who introduced me what unconditional love is..

no matter how many times I failed, they are still there to help me stand up again..

I want to thank the people who introduced me what friendship love is..

through them I realized that I can care for others..

I want to thank the person who introduced me what puppy love is..

from him, I learned that I am capable of seeing the beauty of other people..

I want to thank the person who introduced me what shallow love is..

from him, I learned that love cannot be seen through the physical attributes and capabilities of a person..

I want to thank the person who introduced me what fake love is..

from him, I learned that sometimes you thought you love that person but the truth is, you didn't love him even a bit..

I want to thank the person who introduced me what first love is..

from him, I learned that your first love will always be your first love just because he was the first person you love and nothing more..

Lastly, I want to thank the person who showed me what true love means..

from him, I learned that love is an unexplainable emotion that only our heart knows how to define it..

Different kinds of love..

Different meanings of love..

What is important in this four letter word is that..

It can't be seen, it can't be tasted, it can't be smelled, it can't be heard but... 

it can be felt..

and that is enough to make us happy..

great new things..

an advice from my mom made me realized that I'm a grown up now..

I may look like 16..

I may feel like 16..

I may act like 16..

but really..

I'm already 20..

I can now do the things I weren't able to do back then..

I can't have sleepovers with my friends..

I can't go out with my friends unplanned..

I can't go to my classmate's house to do projects..

I can't go home late because of schoolworks..

I can't have a trip alone..

but I can say that my parents are not strict..

it's just that..

I'm still young to do those things..

now that I am at legal age..

I can now go out with my friends unplanned..

I can now go to my classmate's house to do projects..

I can now go home late because of schoolworks..

I can now have a trip alone..

but I still can't have sleepovers with my friends (haha!)..

but there is one thing they never forbid me to do..

and that is to..

entertain suitors..

when I was in high school my mom will always say..

"go on just accept their gifts..just don't have boyfriend"

but now..when I said to my mom that someone asked me out..she said..

"go on..spend time with him, just the two of you...it will let you know the real him"

I'm really shocked but at the same time happy..

because now that I'm already a grown up..

I'm secured that this time..I can really express what I feel...

when?

where?

I don't know..

but it is surely..

In God's will..

someday..

it's getting harder and harder to control..

i don't know if this is right or wrong..

but all i know is that..

i'm happy when i'm with you..

and i can see my future..

or i can say..

i can see our future..

for you

i don't know how exactly we met

but i'm glad you're still here with me

someone told me we're not meant to be

and i'm scared that one day you'll leave me

because every time i'm with you..

it feels like..

i'm finally home...

my Past, my Present and my forever Future..

Am I dreaming?..

I think I'm not..

But my story surely began with a dream..

4 years ago..

I let go of my Past..

I let go all the memories we had..

He's now with someone else and I'm very happy for him..

4 years ago..

I found out that my best friend has feelings for me..

I found out that friendship is all I can give..

He's now with someone who gave the love I wasn't able to give..

and I'm very happy for him..

4 years ago..

I chose him..

I chose him because my mind and my heart said so..

My savior is with me..

and I'm very happy with him..

4 years ago..

I thought I'll die..

because of disease that was very hard to cure..

I lose my hope..

and started to accept that I won't have a happy ending with him..

I decided to to tell him the truth..

The truth that I missed him..

The truth that I like him..

The truth that I want him..

The truth that I love him..

I've accepted my faith..

I've accepted death with open arms..

but thanks to him..

He never lose hope that I can be cured..

He stand as my motivation..

He stand as my inspiration..

He stand as my reason..

I know my savior..

Saved me..

Is saving me..

and will save me..

from all the things that hurt and will hurt me..

I hear the birds singing..

I feel the warmth of the sun..

I smell the fragrance of flowers..

I opened my eyes..

I see him beside me..

sleeping soundly..

it made me smile..

no more tears for me..

just happiness..

I whispered in his ears..

"you are my savior..my new Past..my only Present and my forever Future"

now..It's all real..

No more Past..he is my Present..and my unexpected Future..

I opened my eyes..

and my tears fell..

I saw my savior's face..

the one I chose..

the one I love the most..

he was holding my hand..

smiled at me and asked..

"are you willing to be with me forever?"..

before I was able to answer his question..

I felt a sudden pain in my chest..

I prayed to God..

please..

if it's impossible for us to have a happy ending..

please let me tell him how much I love him..

I saw his smile..

I saw how much he loves me..

five months before I came back..

I learned that I don't have enough time left in this world..

I have a sickness that is hard to cure..

and only miracle can heal me..

I tried different medication..

I tried everything because I want to see him again..

but I failed..

I can't accept it..

I cried so much..

I didn't eat..

I lose hope..

I even told myself..

"maybe I'm the most evil person in this world..

because if I'm not, this won't happen to me"..

I cried and cried and cried..

until I can cry no more..

one night, I had a dream..

a very beautiful dream..

the dream that made me decide to go back..

and see him for the last time..

to say how much I love him..

I can only see his face that is full of hope..

that we can be together for the rest of our lives..

I smiled and hugged him tight..

so tight while counting every second of it..

I whispered in his ear..

"I love you so much..

so much that I can give my life for you..

but I can't be with you forever in this world..

I'll just wait for you in heaven..

I'll marry you there..

and be with you forever"..

I know he will cry..

but this is God's will..

I closed my eyes..

I can wait..

until the time I see him in heaven's gate..

No more Past..leaving behind the Present..and God deciding the Future..

I looked in front of the altar and asked God for a sign..

I never thought that these things can happen in real life..

choosing between two persons you like..

pretending you're fine even if you're hurting inside..

I love them both but can't decide..

knowing that it'll break their heart as well as mine..

that's why I ran and left them behind.. 

I got to a place where no one knows me..

a place where i can roam freely..

I spent my time walking alone in the streets..

and it felt so relaxing watching the trees..

which reminded me of how great life is..

As the time went by..

I've decided with a sigh..

It's time for me to go back and say goodbye..

I realized that there are many things to resolve..

where I am involve..

and straight, I went to the church that started it all..

exactly sixty months after I left..

I saw my Past holding another's hand..

I assessed myself if there is still pain..

but my heartbeat told me It's okay..

I walked in the aisle and saw the two guys..

they're facing in front of the altar..

one has a ring on his finger..

and the other guy has a box in his hands..

I don't know who is who..

but this time I know for sure..

I kept on walking until I'm an inch away..

prayed so hard..

that now that I have finally decided..

please give us a happy ending..

I closed my eyes..

A hand brushed my hair..

kissed my forehead..

then started to walk away..

I felt so cold thinking the possibility that it might be him..

gave up on me a long time ago and bid his final goodbye..

my eyes were still closed..

waiting for the person in front of me to do something..

He held my hand..

stroked my cheeks..

brushed my hair..

and finally..

he hugged me tight..

He spoke and asked me to open my eyes..

that familiar voice made my heart beat so fast..

I couldn't control it..

I know it's him..

it's really him..

God granted my wish..

I opened my eyes..

and my tears fell..

sudden burst..

it keeps coming back..

i know it's just a trash to him..

but it keeps on coming back..