No more Past..he is my Present..and my unexpected Future..

I opened my eyes..

and my tears fell..

I saw my savior's face..

the one I chose..

the one I love the most..

he was holding my hand..

smiled at me and asked..

"are you willing to be with me forever?"..

before I was able to answer his question..

I felt a sudden pain in my chest..

I prayed to God..

please..

if it's impossible for us to have a happy ending..

please let me tell him how much I love him..

I saw his smile..

I saw how much he loves me..

five months before I came back..

I learned that I don't have enough time left in this world..

I have a sickness that is hard to cure..

and only miracle can heal me..

I tried different medication..

I tried everything because I want to see him again..

but I failed..

I can't accept it..

I cried so much..

I didn't eat..

I lose hope..

I even told myself..

"maybe I'm the most evil person in this world..

because if I'm not, this won't happen to me"..

I cried and cried and cried..

until I can cry no more..

one night, I had a dream..

a very beautiful dream..

the dream that made me decide to go back..

and see him for the last time..

to say how much I love him..

I can only see his face that is full of hope..

that we can be together for the rest of our lives..

I smiled and hugged him tight..

so tight while counting every second of it..

I whispered in his ear..

"I love you so much..

so much that I can give my life for you..

but I can't be with you forever in this world..

I'll just wait for you in heaven..

I'll marry you there..

and be with you forever"..

I know he will cry..

but this is God's will..

I closed my eyes..

I can wait..

until the time I see him in heaven's gate..

No more Past..leaving behind the Present..and God deciding the Future..

I looked in front of the altar and asked God for a sign..

I never thought that these things can happen in real life..

choosing between two persons you like..

pretending you're fine even if you're hurting inside..

I love them both but can't decide..

knowing that it'll break their heart as well as mine..

that's why I ran and left them behind.. 

I got to a place where no one knows me..

a place where i can roam freely..

I spent my time walking alone in the streets..

and it felt so relaxing watching the trees..

which reminded me of how great life is..

As the time went by..

I've decided with a sigh..

It's time for me to go back and say goodbye..

I realized that there are many things to resolve..

where I am involve..

and straight, I went to the church that started it all..

exactly sixty months after I left..

I saw my Past holding another's hand..

I assessed myself if there is still pain..

but my heartbeat told me It's okay..

I walked in the aisle and saw the two guys..

they're facing in front of the altar..

one has a ring on his finger..

and the other guy has a box in his hands..

I don't know who is who..

but this time I know for sure..

I kept on walking until I'm an inch away..

prayed so hard..

that now that I have finally decided..

please give us a happy ending..

I closed my eyes..

A hand brushed my hair..

kissed my forehead..

then started to walk away..

I felt so cold thinking the possibility that it might be him..

gave up on me a long time ago and bid his final goodbye..

my eyes were still closed..

waiting for the person in front of me to do something..

He held my hand..

stroked my cheeks..

brushed my hair..

and finally..

he hugged me tight..

He spoke and asked me to open my eyes..

that familiar voice made my heart beat so fast..

I couldn't control it..

I know it's him..

it's really him..

God granted my wish..

I opened my eyes..

and my tears fell..

sudden burst..

it keeps coming back..

i know it's just a trash to him..

but it keeps on coming back..