No more Past..just the Present and the possible Future..

I lift my own hand..

and I've decided..

I made my decision..a chance..

A chance for my savior..

I'm on my way in reaching his hands..but suddenly someone called my name..

I looked for that person and I saw a very familiar face..

He is not a stranger because he is my best friend..

I asked him what does he want..

He asked me back.."will you get angry if I'll say, I'm falling in love with you?"

I was shocked and speechless..

It is a big revelation..

He got my full attention and totally forgot about my savior..

I looked at my best friend’s eyes and I’m not sure if he is serious or not..

I don't know if I should believe him..

Don't know whether it is a joke or not..

He is my friend..

I don’t know what to do..

I'm very much confused..

I’m torn between two guys..

One is my friend who is with me all the time..

and the other is the one who gave me hope after my failure..

Maybe God is testing my heart..

A test if I will be able to know who is my destiny..

I must choose..

but it's impossible not to hurt anyone..

and I'm sure that whatever decision I'll make..

It will hurt me so badly..

I looked at my savior and he still waiting for me to accept his forever..

I looked at my friend and he still waiting for me to acknowledge his feelings..

I looked in front of the altar..

God please...

Give me a sign..

Past..Present and the Possible Future..

I wiped my tears away...don't know whether to accept his hand or not..

but with him I feel contented..



As the time goes by..
I stopped crying..
Everyone helped me out to bring back my old self..

Remembering those times still hurts but I accepted everything..
Regrets slowly die away because I could see the light again..



The man who offered his hand is still waiting for me..

I can't decide because I'm still confuse..


I tried to assess my feelings for my past..
and all I can feel is happiness that once in my life..I loved him..

loved.......doesn't mean I love him no more..
I will always love him and he will always be in my heart..
because he is my proof that I'm human capable of loving..



The man..his hand..I don't know what to do..

but with him..
I can express myself freely..
I can do whatever I want..
I can share even the most embarrassing moment of my life..

There are reasons I must consider..
There are things I must discuss with myself..

I don't want to repeat the same mistake again..

but if God give me a sign that he's the one......



I can still see in his eyes the promise of security and love..I looked at his hand..

having second thoughts on what I should do..


I lift my own hand..



and I've decided....

Past..Present..Future..

Dreams can actually bring back feelings that were already forgotten...

As I open my eyes I thought it was real....


His presence..
His smile..
His smell..

The way he touched me..
The way he held my hands..
The way he said that he wants me back..

How much he meant every word he said..
How he chased me because he didn't want me to go..
How much effort he exerted just to make me believe he is serious..


I kept on running away not because I want him no more..but because I'm afraid that we'll commit the same mistake again.

I kept on pulling my hand from his because I'm afraid to fall for his words again..

I kept on saying NO because somehow I want to say YES..

I kept on making him believe it's over because I want us to start all over again..

I kept on pushing him away because I want him to hug me tight..


I'm afraid to have a second chance with him and it hurts me so bad..
It's already the end of our story.....



But as I walk in the aisle of the unknown church, I saw a man sitting on the floor..
Then I realized he saw everything that happened between me and my past..
As I came close to him, he stood up..



He stared at me with his gentle eyes and I can see the promise of security and love..


He offered his hand..



and my tears fell...

sundalo..

kagabi, hindi ko napigilan na ilabas lahat ng sama ng loob ko tungkol sa pag-aaral sa aking nanay. sinabi ko na hirap na hirap na ako, na hindi ko na kaya. lahat ay sinabi ko sa kaniya..kung gaano ako naaapektuhan sa ginagawa ng professor ko sa amin. hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganoon siya sa amin, durog na durog na kami. pakiramdam ko nagiiba na ako, hindi na ako yung dating estudyante na masipag, masaya tuwing pumapasok sa eskwela, laging handa sa anu mang gagawin at mahal na mahal ang kursong pinasok. hindi ko na maramdaman ang saya sa bawat ginagawa ko, hindi ko na maramdaman na para ako sa trabahong iyon. lahat dahil lang sa isang tao. bakit nga ba? hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa hinaharap, takot akong dumating ang bukas, dumating ang pagkakataon na ako ay haharap sa kaniya at wala siyang ibang gagawin kundi ang pagalitan at laitin ang buong pagkatao ko. takot akong lahat ng pinaghirapan ko sa loob ng labing-anim na taon ay biglang matapon lahat, ang binuo kong pangalan ay biglang maglaho. lagi na akong umiiyak, laging takot ang nararamdaman, kalungkutan ang lagi kong kaharap..kahit kasama ko ang pamilya ko at umaaktong kayang kaya ko dalhin ang lahat, pero sa loob-loob ko ay hindi ko na kayang pigilin pang huwag mawalan ng pag-asa. tuwing ako ay mag-isa tsaka ko lang naiisip na ang lungkot ng buhay ko ngayon. hindi ko na makasama ang pamilya ko dahil sa sobrang dami ng gingawa ko. wala na akong oras para kamustahin man lang sila o kaya ay kumain sa labas kahit hindi sa mamahaling kainan...

Pero kahit ngayon ay punong-puno ako ng takot at kalungkutan, ang sinabi sa akin ng nanay ko ang nagpapatatag sa aking pagkatao at nagpapalakas sa aking pananampalataya na makakaya kong lahat at haharapin ko ang magandang bukas...

"dapat para kang sundalo..habang nasusugatan lalong lumalaban..habang minumura lalong tumatapang"

a question..

What would yo do if your life is at risks? will you do something to save your life? or will you just pray and let God decide?

The hostage drama last August 23, 2010 was a shock not only here in the Philippines but around the globe. The hostage ended tragically. The policemen failed to save some lives and the hostage taker was shot dead too. We criticize, you criticize, they criticize, but did we ever realize that none of us has the right to say bad things about the incident?. We are not the hostage taker to feel the anger, sorrow and agony that he felt. We are not one of the hostages to feel how scary to be in that bus knowing that anytime their lives can be taken away with one shot. And we are not one of the policemen who tried to save the lives of the hostages even if they know there is a chance for them to die.

Many lives were risked, Many lives were lost, Many lives were saved. The hostage taker, the hostages, the policemen..all of them tried everything to survived but there are some who were not lucky enough to have a second life.

If it happens that you're one of the hostages, or the policemen or even the hostage taker and your life is at risks? will you do something to save your life? or you will just pray and let God decide?

ikaw nga!

Bakit ba laging unfair ang buhay? kung sino yung mga mabuting tao sila yung pinagiinitan. yung  mga  taong ngddisguise yun yung mga pinupuri. wala na ba talagang pantay na paghuhukom sa mundong ito? lagi na lang bang  aapakan ang mga mabubuting tao?

Kaylan kaya niya malalaman na hindi lahat ng tao makakapantay sa talino niya? na hindi lahat ng gusto niya pwede?, na hindi lahat ng  tao perpektong katulad niya?, na hindi lahat ng tao magaling na katulad niya?

kaylan ka ba mamumulat na nasa modernong panahon na tayo? o gusto mo na talagang ikulong ang sarili mo sa makalumang pananaw mo? 

tandaan mong hindi lahat ng tao kayang tanggapin ang mga pananakit mo. makonsensiya ka sana sa mga panlalait mo!

Happiness..

There is a  girl who grew up knowing only the good things about life.She has a good father and a loving mother. She has friends who are always there through ups and downs, people who always care and people who are afraid that she might get hurt. She rarely cry because she knows, she has the most wonderful people to support her.

But lately, she often cry and rarely see her smile. She sometimes laugh but she knows it's just a mask to cover the pain. She makes the people believe that everything is fine but the truth is her heart is breaking inside. She is trying to be strong but a person keeps on pushing her down. 

Almost three months of suffering, she doesn't know when and where can she meet happiness again. That person took away almost everything from her, but the girl must fight because she wants to see happiness and never let anyone took it away from her again.