Happy new year to everybody!...not for me. 2017why?

It's now officially 2017! Woohoo! Another year to do great things and be a better person. Well I'm happy and excited because I'm confident that this will be a great year for me and my family, we will have more happy events and weekend getaways for sure!

Buuuut I received a very...not bad news, a hurtful news I must say. Well I didn't expect that there's a certain issue going around lately aaand I can't help but be affected. For the record, I am not a materialistic person and I don't demand things from anyone. I can buy stuff and feed myself.

Yeah, men can marry anytime without thinking how old they are, while women's chance to get pregnant decreases while we age and that's my problem. Before, I want to marry at the age of 25 so I can have children while I'm still young but as I age, I got scared of being married. He (and they are too) is one lucky man because he has a girl who's not a nagger for marriage or is it because I don't feel any willingness from him to plan things? Hmm??

I proved that family's love is irreplaceable. My mama and papa are the only persons who love me unconditionally. Whatever I do, wherever I go they are here to guide me and love me. no one will care for me as much as they do.

It just hurts, because my dreams and fantasies all crumbled down. I know I don't deserve this kind of things. This kind of uhmm...I don't know, can't say the right words..I think I deserve to be treated as a queen, not just a princess. I deserve promises that will assure me that forever exist. Sounds cliche but that's the truth.

I should love myself more this time..I should, yeah I should..

No words

I am here again so it means everything inside my heart will burst out any minute. To let out my frustrations and anger i just want to express my thoughts about how disappointing my life right now.

So these past few weeks I made a lot of mistakes at work, I really do not know what is happening to me. Last time I check, I am a person whom my officemates can depend with, someone who is responsible and easy to cope up with work. I am still asking myself what on earth happened to me! As if everyday I am floating and clueless with my surroundings.

Yes, I love my work, I love it because it pays my bills and it provides food in our table but the main concern is, I have to have a drive for me to strive harder. Honestly I am very thankful that I found a company wherein the rules are not so strict and the executives are not snobbish, that is why I am very ashamed to what happened. Feels like I can vanish out of thin air any moment, that is how embarassed I am!

Okay! Time to wake up in this nightmare and get things right, right? I am not a problem employee, I never experienced such huge mistakes, just now. Buuuut! I will cut myself from doing stupid things (hey girl you are out of focus! Can't you see I am using exclamation marks exaggeratedly!!!!!!)

I was supposed to post this last night but well, I fell asleep. Soooo, this would be an early morning something.